I found Sarah Mclachlan's "Full of Grace" wandering through my head earlier today. Grace is an interesting thing, hard to pin down. Over the years, however, I have found it to be one of the few things I have a solid belief in. More than any moral code, it is something I try to live by.
It's a bit difficult to say what I mean by that. Elegance, good will, kindness, dignity, humility, nothing seems to really encompass it. Describing it is like describing a series of moments, flashes of photography unorganized otherwise but for this undefinable thread that runs though them all.
Even now, as I try to hold onto it, it slips through my fingers like fine sand, like spun silk, like water.
Maybe, in a way, it is easier to explain what grace is not.
It is not the reluctant and pained bowing to inevitability, to some tiresome chore that must be endured and accomplished with a heavy heart and tired hands. A common cry of women is "I don't want you to do this for me reluctantly, i want you to WANT to do it." And yes, it's a lot to ask but...it's a tacit understanding that the spirit behind the act is as important as the act itself.
It is not variable, ebbing and flowing like the tides of a double moon system. It's not something you can choose to have one moment and not the next. It requires a sort of internal consistency, a resolution that whatever you choose, you stand by it and accept it for both its good and bad aspects. A saying goes, "Take what you want and pay for it."
It...it occurs to me I'm doing a very bad job of organizing my thoughts. I'm not used to blogging and hopefully my delivery will improve as time goes on. For tonight, I shall leave you here, with my vague meanderings.
Farewell, until the morrow.
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